Why does everyone hate us?
by Defectron
Summary: Kikyo, jaken and Naraku figure out that everyone hates them. So they try to do something about it. But is that a good idea?
1. Default Chapter

Why does everyone hate us?  
  
Authors notes: Damn it I'm busy enough as it is. I don't need to be writing a fanfic right now and if I did right one I should probably want to try to focus my efforts on continuing Kuno vs the foul sorcerers. But I just couldn't resist this. I noticed that almost everyone (don't try to hide, you know who you are) hates Naraku, Kikyo (especially Kikyo) and Jaken. So I decided to write a parody fic about that. Personally I feel kind of indifferent to their characters but when I write fics bad things tend to happen even to characters who I like so for those of you who don't like these three don't worry they'll be getting some in this fic.  
  
It was a bright sunny day and Inuyasha was walking down the street. He was in disguise so that thousands of sugar high fan girls wouldn't tear him to pieces. Inuyasha was disguised as the guy in the dark trench coat who's always on the neighborhood watch signs. A fat woman walked up behind him and said "Hey there fella. You look kind of suspicious to me. Don't be thinking of pulling anything funny around here, I'm on the neighborhood watch!"  
  
"Oh shit! I mean I'm not a suspicious person!"  
  
"You sound kind of familiar. You sound sort of like."  
  
"I'm not Inuyasha! I'm just some suspicious person with no name, I mean I'm not a suspicious person and." Inuyashas hat blew off. "Oh shit!"  
  
"It's him! It's Inuyasha!" screamed the fat woman. Hundreds of sugar high girls came out of nowhere. There was even one hiding under a manhole that tried to grab Inuyashas ankle as he ran away.  
  
A black car swerved around the corner and it's door opened. Kagome was driving. "Inuyasha! Get in quick!" Inuyasha dove into the car and it sped away doing 80 mph.  
  
Naraku was sucked on a lollypop he had just stolen from a baby as he watched them drive away. "Damn it! I'm a hot guy and a hanyou! I even have tentacles, which have been used for perverted purposes in some doujinshi! What's he got that I aint got?"  
  
"Excuse me sonny.. Could you help an old lady across the street?"  
  
"Why of course!" Naraku lead her toward the open manhole the fan girl had hid in earlier.  
  
On a talk show in New York some security guards were having trouble holding back the audience. The talk show theme was undead people who love hanyous. Jakotsu was trying to hide from the fan girls behind his chair so he wouldn't be molested. Kikyou on the other hand was sitting on the other side of the room with no danger of being molested at all.  
  
"Hey! Leggo! I told you I don't like girls! Renkotsu! Get me out of here!"  
  
Renkotsu who had been dragged along with Jakotsu to see his big debut on day time television was sitting in the back row looking kind of board.  
  
Jakotsu clawed his way out from under the horde of fan girls but was fighting a losing battle as he was being dragged back under. Kikyou approached him. She calmly asked, "Why is it that your so popular?"  
  
"Ack.. don't ask me!" Kikyou knelt down next to him.  
  
"You know, I've been on this show for much longer then you but I never got this kind of attention. Why is that? Were both undead, were both attractive. And we both have feelings for Inuyasha."  
  
"Trust me it's over rated..." Jakotsu was dragged screaming away by the fan girls. Then a teenaged boy wearing black approached Kikyo.  
  
"Hi.. Ummm kikyo.. Can I have your autograph?"  
  
"You want my..." This had been the first time in four years since someone asked that question. And the last person who did it was actually trying to sell her insurance, which didn't make sense because she was already dead. "You want my autograph." Shojo anime flowers appeared around Kikyo as she said this.  
  
Kikyo approached him but he pulled a pie out from behind his back and hit her in the face. "Haha! I hit Kikyo with a pie! Your next Bill Gates!" he ran away laughing like the deranged crazy person he was.  
  
Kikyo had long held her image as the priestess of ice but this was the last straw. The ice cracked and she ran away crying "I hate my life!"  
  
At Sesshomarus pent house  
  
Rin was attempting to play catch with Jaken but the ball kept on hitting him in the face. Over the com Sesshomarus voice said "Jaken can I see you in my office right now. I have some things to discuss with you."  
  
"Sesshomaru sama wants to see me!" the ball hit him in his face but it didn't faze him. "Can it be that my hard work has finally paid off!?!"  
  
Jakens fantasy  
  
Sesshomaru: Jaken! I never could have done it without you! Here, take this bag of money and this battle of toad wart removal as payment for your years of free labor.  
  
Reality  
  
Jaken walked over to Seshomarus office and opened the door. Sesshomaru had the back of his office chair turned to Jaken. "Jaken.. How long have we known each other? Three hundred years was it? I really can't say, being immortal makes it difficult to remember some dates."  
  
"It was exactly 314 years, nine months, two days, three hours and sixty five minutes ago we met! I've never forgotten!" Tears were coming to Jakens eyes. "Jaken I don't like to beat around the bush.."  
  
"Of course not! Lord Sesshomaru is so powerful any bush that dared to oppose him would be destroyed in an instant!"  
  
"Jaken it's difficult for me to say this but I'm going to have to let you go." "Let me go? What do you mean?"  
  
"Jaken, I'm going to be frank with you." Sesshomaru took out a pair of ray ban sunglasses and put them on his face. "I've made a lot of progress over these years, my own movie deals, action figures, you helped me get there, I'll give you credit for that. But all things must come to an end and it's time to let you go." Sesshomaru dropped a magazine in front of Jaken. It was a popularity pole of the main cast of Inuyasha. Inuyasha was # 1 with Sesshomaru coming in second.  
  
"Do you know why I came in second place? Do you know why people burst out laughing every time we take Rin to school? It's because of you Jaken if this were feudal Japan I would probably kill you as I have threatened to do on numerous occasions. But for some reason it isn't feudal Japan so your fired instead." Sesshomaru said in his usual monotone voice.  
  
Jaken began to complain and whine and throw a temper tantrum. Sesshomaru pressed a button and Rin came in. "Rin can you dispose of this?" He handed the flailing toad demon to her.  
  
"Yea! Rins going to dispose of Jaken sama!" She said cheerfully as she took him out back and tossed him in the dumpster. As the dumpster lid closed Jaken screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" in the same sort of way as Pedro from Excel saga.  
  
1 week later  
  
Jaken was having a nightmare. He had just rented End of Evangelion the other day and he dreamt he was wounded on the beach like Asuka was at the end of the movie and Shinji started to choke him except Shinji had Rins face. "Rins going to dispose of Jaken sama!"  
  
"Once he's out of the way I'll be number one!" Sesshomaru said in the background still sporting the ray ban sunglasses.  
  
Jaken woke up with a start. "It was just a night mare! Sesshomaru sama! How could you do this to poor Jaken!" he said with tears in his eyes. Jaken was staying at Kikyos apartment until he could find a new place to stay.  
  
"Another nightmare?" asked Kikyo who had just walked into the room. "It was horrible! Sesshomaru and Rin were both there! And they were going to dispose of me!" Jaken began to cry into his pillow.  
  
"This is all so stupid. Just because were unpopular characters it doesn't mean people should treat us like this. The only reason why I'm unpopular is because I tried to take Inuyasha to hell once, and caused some relationship problems with Kagome. I mean hell isn't a bad place. It's actually pretty nice this time of year. And if Kagome and Inuyasha have a problem with me then that's their problem."  
  
"Jaken is also misunderstood. He works very hard but no one likes him!" Jaken began to cry into his pillow again.  
  
"Yeah. I'm also misunderstood. Whoops, looks like I accidentally knocked over your expensive vase Kikyo. I mean what did I ever do to deserve this?" asked Naraku who had just raided Kikyos fridge.  
  
Both Jaken and Kikyo glared at him "Naraku, why are you in my apartment? Didn't I put a restraining order on you?"  
  
"Yeah but the cops hate you too so they won't do anything to me. Can I eat all your food and use up all the hot water in your shower? Can I eat cake while I take a shower? Of course I can!"  
  
"OF COURSE YOU CAN'T! WHERE'S MY BOW?"  
  
"Whoops! It looks like I accidentally tossed your bow and all your arrows out the window. Of course it's not my fault. Nothings ever my fault! I'm a victim of lies and embellishment!"  
  
"Naraku, the reason no one likes you is because you're a bastard."  
  
"Whooops I knocked over your expensive looking clock."  
  
"Naraku you bastard! And look at all those dirty dishes you made when you ate all my food behind my back! Clean those up!" Kikyo took Jakens staff and started bashing him over the head with it.  
  
"All right! All right!" Naraku took out a hammer and sand paper. He literally tossed the dishes in the sink and began to sing "Break the dishes, smash the plates! That's what Kikyo really hates!"  
  
"YOU BASTARD!" Kikyo began to bonk him over his head causing him to drop the dishes he hadn't already broken.  
  
Suddenly there was an explosion of white smoke. When the smoke cleared there was a green penguin sitting where the cloud of dust had once been. "Hello everyone! I'm Penmaru. I'm a yokai who specializes in good PR. You people look like you could use my assistance."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You guys want to be as popular as your co stars right? I can help you if you pay me!"  
  
"Jaken doesn't have any money because Sesshomaru sama fired me from my non paying job!" Jaken began to cry into his pillow.  
  
"I'll tell you what. If you can't pay me by next year I'll take your soul and we'll call it even."  
  
"Maybe.." Jaken began to consider it.  
  
"I see you people are skeptical. That's good, it means you have brains.. Or something like that. But I anticipated that so I brought hard evidence that my good PR program works." Penmaru took a TV out of nowhere along with a VCR. He popped a tape inside. It showed a picture of some teenaged kid who looked like a hopeless loser. He was hitting on girls and getting the crap beaten out of him. This is Ataru Moriboshi, he wanted a girl friend but no woman would look his way. Here's a picture of him after he took my program.  
  
Ataru was running away from something with a terrified look on his face. Suddenly a green haired girl with a tiger striped bikini flew out of nowhere and grabbed onto him shouting "Darling!"  
  
"After my program he couldn't get away from this girl no matter how hard he tried! Gee I should have brought the tape with that pig-tailed boy who couldn't get in touch with his feminine side as well. To bad I forgot it."  
  
"Are those lightning bolts?" asked Kikyo.  
  
"So what do you say. Want to hire me?"  
  
"I'll do it!" Jaken said with tears in his eyes.  
  
"I guess I don't have anything to lose. Said Kikyo."  
  
"And I want to have girls in tiger striped bikinis chase after me. Especially if it's kikyo in a tiger striped bikini!" said Naraku.  
  
"It'll never happen."  
  
"Never say never! My program can work miracles!" said Penmaru.  
  
"Listen do you want me to take your program or not?" asked Kikyo  
  
"Of course. Here's the deal. Before I came here I analyzed the reasons why everyone hates you guys. Kikyo, you got to stop trying to take Inuyasha to hell. I know it's a nice place but for some reason most people don't seem to think it is. So you should leave Inuyasha alone. Even if he approaches you, you shouldn't encourage him or more people will hate you. Here's what you need to do, Based on the Inuyasha fan fictions I've read, about 90 % of them are about how some person admits their feelings to someone and they become a couple. But there's a problem, all the main cast members are taken. If you tried to become a couple with Miroku all the Sango fans would try to kill you. Hmmmm this is a problem.  
  
"Kikyo should become a couple with me!" said Naraku.  
  
"Wouldn't work. They hate you as much as they hate her. If you became a couple it would just put two things the fans hate in one place so they could kill you easier. Hmmmm I know what this needs is some lesbian action! There are a lot of gay fan fictions especially in the Ranma section!"  
  
"But I'm not a Ranma character and I'm not gay!"  
  
"Your close enough!"  
  
"But.."  
  
"Listen do you want to be popular or not? Now let me see here. what female cast members aren't taken. Hmmmm Kaguras available..."  
  
"I won't do it!"  
  
"Do you want to go through life with everyone looking at you with their dead accusing eyes like a dolls eyes?"  
  
"No, although I'm not sure what you meant by that.."  
  
"Good, then do as I say and not as I do and everything will be ok!"  
  
"Next is Jaken! I'm going to be honest with you. No one likes you because your small and ugly and a brown noser . I also happen to be an expert plastic surgeon and a psychologist so I'll have you looking and feeling like a million bucks in no time. Then when you're a bishonen or a bishojo as the case may be you'll have millions of fans trying to get your autograph too!"  
  
"Oh thank you Penmaru! Sesshomaru will be sorry that he fired me when I'm popular!"  
  
"Ahh and Naraku. Stop being a bastard."  
  
"What did I do?"  
  
"Never mind that. Try doing some good deeds or something. If you get Kagome and Inuyasha to confess their feelings the fans will love you."  
  
"Heh! This should be easy! I don't need to do bad things. It's not like I'm an alcoholic or a chain smoker.I can quite..say Penmaru, do penguin yokai taste good barbequed? I mean, no I didn't ask that question! It was your imagination! I didn't just ask how you tasted! It was all your imagination!" Naraku hugged the penguin "See I'm a nice guy! I wouldn't eat such an adorable delicious looking penguin." Narakus face contorted into a crazed grin and his eye twitched.  
  
"Your scaring me. Could you please put me down." Asked Penmaru.  
  
"All right. There you go. I wouldn't dream of violating the personal space of such a tasty I mean tasteful looking bird." Trying not to do bad things already seemed to be taking its toll on Naraku.  
  
"Uhh.. That's good, Kikyo, Naraku, you go do what I told you. And Jaken, you come with me!  
  
Uhoh! What will happen to Kikyo, Jaken and Naraku? Will Kikyo have lesbian action? Will Jakens new look be a hair do or a hair don't?  
  
Will Kagome and Inuyashas relationship survive Narakus attempts to do good deeds? (Canned laughter in background) stay tuned to find out in the next episode of "Why does everyone hate us?" 


	2. Jakenyasha & daddies little girl the reb...

Why does everyone hate us? Part 2: Jakenyasha & daddies little girl, the rebel  
  
Naraku was already going into withdrawal from not doing anything evil. A nice shiny red car was parked nearby. "That's a nice shiny car. Car's shouldn't be that shiny!" Naraku pulled a sledgehammer out from under his baboon skin. "No I must remain strong. STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT YOU STUPID SHINY CAR!" the sound of hammer meeting car echoed through the night followed by a car alarm. "Oh crap I did it again!" Naraku pulled out a can of spray paint and sprayed the words "Naraku didn't do this" on the side of the car and ran away.  
  
Meanwhile  
  
"So you're sure you want this face? Don't want anything more original?" asked Penmaru.  
  
"Of course I'm sure! Inuyasha was the only person to beat Sesshomaru sama in that stupid contest. If I have his face Sesshomaru sama will be begging me to come back."  
  
"But aren't Inuyasha and Sesshomaru enemies? That doesn't make any sense?"  
  
"I didn't pay you to spout stupid penguin logic at me. Now finish my face."  
  
"But you didn't pay me yet."  
  
"No more penguin logic!"  
  
"All right! All right! Since Yokai heal faster then humans your face should be ready shortly. Just don't let that little girl hit you with a basketball until after it solidifies."  
  
"Just you wait Sesshomaru! Jaken will be the next most popular character! Maybe Sesshomaru should be Jakens servant from now on! Hahahahahahaha!"  
  
"Oh man he's losing touch with reality. I hope I get paid before he gets himself killed." Penmaru thought to himself.  
  
Meanwhile Kikyo was trying to figure out how to go about making her move. She really didn't want to do this, but if it would make her more popular it would be worth it. "How did I get Inuyasha to fall in love with me? Oh that's right. I'll just do that again!"  
  
Kagura had just finished her daily errands and was flying home with her groceries when several arrows knocked her off her flying feather. She found herself pinned to a tree with each sleath of her kimono. "What the hell is going on around here? When I get down whoever did this is going to pay!" She wanted to reach for her fan but her arms were pinned. Kimonos weren't the tightest fitting of cloths. If she wanted to she could slip her arms out and fall to the ground leaving her clothes there. But then she would be naked with whoever shot at her so she decided not to.  
  
Kikyo walked out of the bushes "It was I who shot at you."  
  
"Oh I should have known. What did my dad do to you this time? Whatever it is, it's not my fault. So let me down before I chop you into little pieces with my fan!"  
  
Kikyo looked away and said "Kagura I could never hurt you. For you are only half demon."  
  
"Uhhhh. actually I'm full demon. I don't think any of Narakus human side mixed with me."  
  
Kagura was missing the point entirely. This wouldn't work if she didn't do something drastic.  
  
Kikyo walked over and got up close to Kagura "Uhhhh..." Kagura was starting to get freaked out. Kikyo was acting really weird. "Kikyo.. I don't think mmmmmpppphhh!"  
  
Kikyo kissed her full on the lips. Kikyo stepped back looking embarrassed. "I uhhh.." Kaguras face had turned all red. Kikyo hadn't been this embarrassed since the noodle incident with Naraku. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I'd better keep this a secret and just deal with being unpopular."  
  
"I saw it! I'm not the only gay character on the show!" Jakotsu jumped out of the bushes. An entire crowd of journalists flashing cameras came out behind him.  
  
"Wait! This isn't what it looks like!" Kikyo said backing away embarrassed. Kagura didn't say anything and just continued to blush.  
  
"Kikyo! How long have you had these sorts of feelings for Kagura?" asked one tabloid journalist.  
  
"Is it true that you two have been dating for three months in secret?"  
  
"Is it true that you two did it three times already?"  
  
"Is it true that Kagura is pregnant with your baby?"  
  
Suddenly all the journalists were nailed by Kaguras fan sending them all flying across the street along with Jakotsu. "K-Kagura! You're naked! Here I'll get your clothes down! If anyone got any pictures I don't think there will be single tabloid with out an article about us! By the way this is all just a big misunderstanding and I.." "You don't need to apologies."  
  
"I don't?"  
  
"I've been alone all my life, being Narakus slave. No one's ever kissed me like that much less had the guts to try to ask me out. I'm glad you could be so honest with your feelings to me." Kagura hugged Kikyo.  
  
"Uhoh..what have I got myself into? Kagura! Your naked and those people you blew over are taking photos of us!"  
  
"It's ok! Naraku was always too protective of "daddies little girl" but I think it's time I showed him and the world just what a rebel I can be!" before Kikyo could complain anymore Kagura kissed her again while everyone was taking photos.  
  
Of course Inuyasha was completely unaware of the predicament his ex girl friend had gotten herself into. At the moment he had his hands full trying to figure out how to communicate his feelings to his current one. "Kagome.we've been together for awhile and I uhhh."  
  
"Stop stuttering and say it!" Naraku suddenly butted in between them!  
  
Oh shit! It's the bastard!" said Inuyasha falling down in surprise. He quickly stood back up and took out Tessaiga.  
  
"Naraku what are you doing here?" asked Kagome taking out her bow.  
  
"Now now! There's no need for violence. It's true I was a bastard but that was the old Naraku. I've changed, you see I've seen the errors of my ways and have decided to dedicate my life to making you two confess your true feelings to each other."  
  
"Feelings? What feelings? I don't know what you're talking about. She's just my tama detector!" Inuyasha stuck out his toung at Naraku.  
  
"Sit!"  
  
"Gah! Kagome! You made me bite my toung you wench!"  
  
"Serves you right!"  
  
"All right! That's it you two! You'd better confess your feelings right now or the fox kid gets it!" Naraku lifted up the baboon pelt to reveal Shippo duct taped to his armpit. Naraku held up a broken bottle next to Shippo.  
  
"Kagome help! It smells funny in here!"  
  
"You be quiet! You're my hostage of love! Hehehehehehe!"  
  
"Kagome, is it just me or is Naraku acting a little strange?"  
  
"Inuyasha.. Maybe we should do it. I wouldn't want to see anything happen to Shippo."  
  
"No way! I know what your doing and your not going to get away with it Naraku! This is another one of your sneaky tricks!"  
  
"It is not! I'm really not planning anything this time! Honest!"  
  
"Oh no you don't! Something's going to happen if I admit my feelings isn't it? What is it? And how do I know that's really Shippo and not just some fake Naraku made trick Shippo?"  
  
"It's really me Inuyasha! Remember that time I caught you wearing power puff girl underwear!"  
  
"What! I told you never to tell anyone about that! But Naraku could have been spying with one of his bugs too! Feh! Nice try Naraku but I saw through your plot! Really I thought you'd have come up with something better."  
  
"Are you really such an idiot! I'm not plotting anything, at the moment.. And this really is that fox brat! Don't you care if I make him into a hat or something?"  
  
"Feh!"  
  
"Inuyasha! Are you sure about this? What if that is Shippo?"  
  
"Feh! Nothing can fool me. My clear bright eyes can spot one of Narakus tricks a mile away and this is one of them!"  
  
Naraku looked like he was about to have an aneurysm. He started cursing and jumping up and down having a fit. Then he stopped and said "Fine then!" in a very whiny sounding voice. "I tried to be nice and this is how you treat me! I'll show you! I'll be a bigger bastard then ever! I'll screw over every anime character in your show and every other anime ever made! And then I'll tell them that Inuyasha made me do it! Then you'll be sorry! I'll even corrupt innocent little Shippo here into being my apprentice of evil!"  
  
"Don't leave me here! It smells funny!" Shippo wailed. Naraku ran away but wasn't watching where he was going. He fell down the same manhole he led the little old lady into earlier.  
  
"Feh! I hope that's the last time we have to see that damn dirty ape around here."  
  
"Inuyasha. You've been watching too much planet of the apes. And what if that really was Shippo? What if Naraku corrupts him into being evil?"  
  
"Feh!"  
  
"Sit!"  
  
Jaken had just unwrapped his face. Now all that was left for him to do was get in character. He picked up a book called "How to act like Inuyasha: For dummies"  
  
Ch. 1  
  
"If your unsure of something but want to make people think you have all the answers, one simple word will save you. Just say Feh whenever confronted with a difficult situation."  
  
"Ask me what time it is Penmaru?"  
  
"Uhhh. what time is it?"  
  
"Feh!"  
  
"Uhhhh yeah.. Remember if you don't have the payment in one year, I'll take your soul.  
  
"Feh! Who needs a soul! I don't even wear shoes! Now I'm going to go flaunt my newfound success to Sesshomaru and make him jealous. This time I'll be the one wearing the sun glasses!"  
  
Jaken left the building walking down the street with pride. Sure enough all the girls were looking at him and saying things like "How cute it's a little Inuyasha!"  
  
"Hehehe! You've finally done it Jaken! You've made the big time. No one will ever look down at you again! Especially Sesshomaru sama." Jaken thought to himself.  
  
Jakens fantasy.  
  
"Jaken! Can you ever forgive me for firing you?"  
  
"I don't know. If you want me back your going to have to offer me a lot of money."  
  
"I don't want you to work for me! I want to work for you! And here take my money anyway! You can have my glasses too! They look much better on you!"  
  
Back to reality  
  
Jaken was suddenly broken from his fantasy when he noticed someone was following him. "Hey who are you?"  
  
"Kawaii! A little Inuyasha!" It was Jakotsu.  
  
"Say aren't you one of the shichi nin tai?"  
  
"I'm Jokotsu. And I think you're really cute."  
  
Jakotsu was blushing furiously. "Uhhh I'm sorry but I really don't like guys.." Jaken began to back away nervously but Jakotsu grabbed him.  
  
"Your just like a cute little teddy bear. I'm going to take you home and we can play dress up with my dolls."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jaken said in the some sort of way as Pedro from excel saga. 


	3. Enter Hojo, the Arima impersonator

Why does everyone hate us?  
Part 3: Enter Hojo, the Arima impersonator  
  
Authors notes: Due to popular demand Hojo will be getting into this fic as well. Anyone ever notice that Hojo acts and sort of looks like Arima from Kare Kano? Well that's going to come to haunt Hojo later. Grenda the princess from hell is a character from the anime Puchi puri yuushi which hasn't been released here yet. There was an episode where the dog people of hell got turned into cats.  
  
Unlike Kikyo, Naraku and Jaken Hojo was more or less oblivious to his own unpopularity. Hojo had spent many years studying in two fields. One was in obscure crackpot medicine and the other was how to win girls over. Secretly Hojo would sneak out of the Inuyasha universe and observe male bishounen protagonists from various romantic comedy animes and then he would try to act like them. The one he tried to emulate the most was Arima from Kare Kano. So far he managed to get with some freshmen girl but he also wanted Kagome too. But Kagome already had two powerful canine men fighting over her. He'd never win in a fight with either one of them so he'd have to use brains instead.  
  
Meanwhile in the Kare Kano universe  
  
"Yukino.. I have favor to ask you."  
  
"What is it Arima?"  
  
"Well I know you better then anyone. I know that you're a nice person but I also know that you have an evil side to your personality that likes to crush your opponents into dust. I feel kind of awkward asking but I need evil Yukino."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Arima held up a picture of Hojo. "I only noticed it a few weeks ago but this guy has been following me around and taking notes. I followed him a few days ago and it turns out he's an Inuyasha character. He's ripping off my personality and using it to pick up girls."  
  
"That's awful! Just leave it to me! I'll crush him like a bug! HAHAHA!"  
  
"That's my Yukino!"  
  
Meanwhile  
  
"Jaken is very scared!" Jaken said with Pedro tears going down his face. Jakotso had dressed him up in a red dress and sat him down at a little table with teacups. There were three dolls sitting there too. One was a chucky doll that was giving Jaken a psychotic look, there was also a blind folded ken doll dressed only in bondage straps and a beheaded Barbie doll. Jakotsu poured some tea into the beheaded Barbie dolls neck.  
"Inuyasha can you pass Chucky the sugar?"  
  
"B-b-but I'm afraid of it!"  
  
"Silly rabbit, sugar if just this sweet white stuff you put in cakes. It won't hurt you."  
  
"Not the sugar I mean Chucky! Oh god he has a knife!"  
  
Jakotsu took out has snake bone sword and cut Chuckys head off. "There now he's all dead now and won't hurt you. Now can you pass him the sugar?"  
  
"It's only a matter of time before this psychopath does the same to me! I've got to find a way to escape!" Jaken said to himself.  
  
"Fine then if you don't like sugar we can have fun with chocolate sauce. Now take off your clothes!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"  
  
elsewhere  
  
Inuyasha had just been sat by Kagome about a thousand times and his butt hurt like hell. Thanks to Narakus attempts to get them to confess their love he was having some second thoughts about their relationship.  
  
Inuyashas vishion of the future  
  
"Sorry I forgot to take out the garbage."  
  
"sit!"  
  
"Woops I forgot to put the seat down!"  
  
"Sit! Inuyasha now look what you did! You broke the toilet! Sit again! Now you broke the floor too! How many times do I have to make you sit before you learn your lesson. Ooops I said sit again."  
  
"Owwww.. Is there a doctor in the house?"  
  
Kikyo was walking down the street wearing the same sort of suspicious trench coat Inuyasha wore in the first chapter. "Hey Kikyo!"  
  
"I'm not Kikyo!"  
  
"Yes you are. Why are you dressed like that?"  
"Oh it's just you Inuyasha."  
  
"Hey Kikyo. I was thinking maybe we could get back together. I mean hell doesn't seem like such bad place. I heard they had cats down there that I can chase."  
  
"Those cats used to be dogs!" said a little girl with purple pigtails.  
  
"I'm Grenda the princess of hell and after the noodle incident with Naraku you've been banned from ever coming back to hell." She said pointing at Kikyo.  
  
"B-but! I'm Kikyo! You have to let me into hell?"  
  
"Oh sure! Your Kikyo! Who the hell are you? I'm the princess of hell and I say anyone who advertises so shamelessly in the tabloids will not be allowed in hell. You can go make a fool of yourself in the tabloids in heaven but not in my kingdom! We have a reputation to uphold!" Grenda stormed out of the inuyasha universe and back into her anime.  
  
"Who the hell was that brat? And what did she mean?"  
  
"Oh it's nothing. Well if we can't go to hell , lets go to the next best place, New York city!" Kikyo started tugging Inuyashas arm. Inuyasha was beginning to think there was something very wrong going on here.  
  
"Kikyo how could you!" Inuyasha hears someone say. They turned to see Kagura with tears in her eyes.  
  
"I thought I was the only one for you!"  
  
"Uhhh.." Inuyasha started to say with a big giant sweat drop on the side of his head.  
  
"That was all just a big mistake Kagura!"  
  
"Was it a mistake when you kissed me?" Kagura held up the tabloid photo of Kikyo kissing a very naked Kagura.  
  
"Holy shit!" said Inuyasha getting up. "You were planning on two timing me!" Kikyo and Kagura both fell over.  
  
"Inuyasha, this isn't what it looks like and besides you were planning on doing the same thing with Kagome and me."  
  
"Feh!" "Kikyo if I can't have you all to myself no one will have you!" Kagura took out her fan and smashed both Kikyo and Inuyasha through a brick wall. Kagura was pissed off. Both of them started to run away. "Oh you won't escape!" Kagura summoned thousands of dead soldiers out of the ground who began to chase Inuyasha and Kikyo. They ended up getting cornered in an alley.  
  
"Kikyo, your dead, try to talk some sense into them!" Inuyasha said as they ran away from the horde of dead people.  
  
"All right I'll give it a try. Listen I know that people discriminate against us because were dead, they always try to stick us in those boxes and put us in the ground. But were not the ones to blame for that. Try taking your anger out on someone who deserves it!"  
  
"Heh! Your please fall on death ears Kikyo! Now I'm going to give you a fate worse then death!"  
  
"Hey I'm a victim here too Kagura can you let me out of here?"  
  
"Only if you promise to kill Naraku for me."  
  
"Fine! Fine! Just get these dead people away from me!" The dead people let Inuyasha through.  
  
"Now Kikyo , you shall meet your fate!" two dead people grabbed her arms and pinned her against the wall. Kagura got off her feather and walked towards her.  
  
"No! You wouldn't! Kagura I don't have confidence in my body!"  
  
"Not that you idiot? Just what do you think I am?" Kagura took out a black marker. "This is a magic yokai marker, it's mark will be with you forever."  
  
"No wait a minute, I do have confidence in my body, you can have your way with me instead!"  
  
"It's too late for that Kikyo, after all this isn't a lemon as much as that ecchi author may like the idea."  
  
"No! Kill me instead!"  
  
Kagura drew a mustache and glasses on Kikyos face.  
  
Later  
  
"Kikyo.. This is none of my business but why are you wearing a Zech's Marquis mask?" asked Inuyasha. "My shame is so great that I may never show my face to the world ever again."  
  
"Oh. I thought you were going to an anime convention or something."  
  
Meanwhile  
  
"Now Shippo. This is your first lesson in being evil. Those unsuspecting people down there will be your victims. This is your assistant instructor Happosai." Naraku said pointing at the little old man with the sack of panty's.  
  
"Yeah, Naraku and I are old friends. We used to go around doing evil things to everyone. Ahhh those were the days. Naraku would trick people into killing each other and I would steal their pantys."  
  
"Yes but today were going to do something a little different. So Happosai, do you have it?"  
  
"OOOOH Yeah!" Happosai said grinning evilly. He pulled out a wooden ladle and some water balloons. "Each of these is from the spring of drowned girl, and this is the curse locking ladle. Soon we'll be up to our ears in beautiful women!"  
  
"Wow, Mr. Naraku, I never knew being evil was so much fun!"  
  
"Yeah but you have to look evil as well Shippo. Here, wear this Darth Vader helmet."  
  
Too be continued 


End file.
